


Ready to Run

by QueenoftheDustPeople



Series: Lirrieverse [5]
Category: Little Mix (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-13 12:03:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5707018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenoftheDustPeople/pseuds/QueenoftheDustPeople
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything's changing except for the things Niall wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ready to Run

Niall walks into the living room, still wearing only his boxers and (for some reason) one sock, to find Harry crouched over the coffee table with his phone, "What are you doing?"

 

"Trying to take a photo!" Harry chirps, adjusting something on the table. Niall walks around the sofa, trying to blink the sleep out of his eyes. He might be a little hungover after last night even though there was more sex than drinking. The Grammys were a whirlwind even without Liam punching Zayn at the after party.

 

"Of a box and a dirty napkin?" Their glass coffee table, some supposedly classy thing that Harry's interior designer Jacques picked, is currently home to a half opened cardboard box and a napkin with a ring coffee stain matching the bottom of Harry's mug.

 

Harry huffs, "It's a box and a ring! Like boxing ring! Get it?" Niall blinks.

 

"It's too fuckin' early for your Instagram aesthetic, Haz," Harry's eager look turns into a pout.

 

"I wanted to tweet about what happened last night without actually tweeting about it, you know?" Niall hums, grabbing Harry's mug and taking a half sip of what's now become lukewarm coffee.

 

"Of course, because you can't tweet a straightforward thing ever."

 

"Not when people are watching!" Niall rolls his eyes, sitting down on the sofa and watching as Harry carefully adjusts the napkin, "You have to be careful, Ni, about what people think of you." Niall rolls his eyes again.

 

"It's a bloody fucking miracle that you didn't actually date Taylor, seeing how image obsessed both of you are," he yawns, stretching his arms up over his head. Harry snaps his photo and then sits, not next to Niall, but in his lap.

 

Harry kisses Niall's cheek, "She's not my kind of blonde." Niall feels the heat rushing to his face and tilts his head towards Harry's soft lips. "Now what should I caption my photo?" Niall groans, tilting his head back against the sofa.

 

///

 

_ILoveYouOLarrya:_

 

_ALERT ALERT STOP EVERYTHING_

_HARRY'S NEW INSTAGRAM PHOTO_

_BOX AND A RING_

_THE ENGAGEMENT ANNOUNCEMENT IS COMING!_

_IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING!!!!!!!_

 

///

 

"Tell your fucking boyfriend to watch what he fucking posts," Louis snaps over the phone. Niall frowns, holding the phone to his ear as he stirs the noodles around in front of him. It's his night to cook dinner and, feeling exceptionally lazy, he'd gone with spaghetti. He'd managed to fight off Harry's request for kale in the sauce because there's only so much of that leafy shit that he can handle.

 

"What do you care?"

 

"Because the damn fans are running around claiming that he and I are about to announce our engagement! It's fucking ridiculous. He's not as witty as he thinks he is and you can _tell_ him that I fucking said that," Niall can hear a baby crying in the background followed by Louis' muffled gentle words. At least Lou's turning out to be a good dad. Niall knew he would but there was that fear that, because of all the media attention, Louis would skip out a bit on Briana and Maggie. But he's been there as much as possible, splitting his time between Brianna's house and London, and he's sweet enough with the wide eyed baby that even Niall's feeling giddy.

 

He turns and leans against the cold marble counter, feeling the stone press into the small of his back, "It'll run its course, you know it will. They'll move on."

 

Louis scoffs, "You've been saying that for five bloody years and it's not happening, is it? It's always something new and Harry isn't fucking helping stop it."

 

"Look, I'll talk to him about it. He was trying to be funny about Liam and Zayn, you know," Niall fights to keep from getting too defensive but that edge rises in his voice by the end of his sentence.

 

"Yes, I know, but he's being a twat instead. If he'd just say something _once,_ maybe they'd quit. Or, even better," Niall winces, knowing what comes next, "If the two of you would just fucking come out already." Louis has been pushing them to come out more and more since Maggie was born. But it's still just…so _complicated._ Niall wants to but Harry's the hesitant one. Niall thinks that it has something to do with the fact that Harry's always the one with his relationships for show and coming out throws all of that out. Even with the girls who know the truth, like Taylor or Kendall, people will talk. And Niall knows just how much Harry hates it when people talk. Now that Harry's solo career is brewing, everything seems so much more tenuous. Niall chews on his tongue and tries to figure out an answer to give that he hasn't said before.

Louis finally sighs, "Look, I'm sorry, mate. I've just had it up to here with all this Larry bullshit and now that Maggie's born, I want it to go away."

 

"I know, I know," Niall sighs, running his hand through his hair, "Look, I'll talk to Haz again but--"

 

"Don't bother, you and I both know what he'll say. Especially after what happened last night. The Sun wrote an article today about everything saying Liam 'exploded' at Zayn while Perrie 'smirked and looked pleased.' Utter rubbish."

 

"That's The Sun, you know. We all know what that bloke writes," rubbish is too nice of a word for it. Niall's not at all looking forward to what will be written about him and Harry when they _do_ come out. He's sure someone will paint him as some secretly evil bandmate willingly subjecting Louis and Harry to Larry just to cover his own ass. He knows that some fans will think that. Nobody's going to stop to think about what it's been like for him.

 

The water boils over on the stove; Niall curses under his breath and rushes for the heat. Louis sighs, "I've got to go. It's almost time for Mags to go to sleep."

 

"Yeah, yeah, go put her to bed. I'll talk to you later," Niall hangs up and puts his phone in the back pocket of his jeans. The pasta's almost turned into a blob from sitting there and Niall's doing his best to work it back to life when Harry lopes into the kitchen.

 

"Oh, you already started cooking?" the brunette asks, moving to stand behind Niall. He puts his chin on top of Niall's head and slings his thin arms around Niall's waist. Niall can't help but lean back and breathe.

 

"It's almost seven. I figured that's dinner time, yeah?" that's how it always was for him growing up. A strict 7'o clock dinner time no matter what he was doing. And even here in a sprawling L.A. mansion seemingly worlds away from Ireland, he wants to keep some things the same. Harry hums low in his throat, kissing the curve of Niall's neck, "Louis called. He said that the fans took your Instagram post as a sign that the two of you are engaged."

 

"That's unfortunate."

 

"He said again that we should…you know," Harry's hands tighten on Niall's waist.

 

"'s none of his business when we do that," Niall swallows, "and we're not ready." Harry's voice wobbles a bit. Niall wants to point out that most nights, he's pretty sure that _he's_ ready but it's not a war worth fighting right now.

 

"Why don't you make the salad?" he says instead, a weak distraction that still manages to be enough for Harry. Niall brings the pot over to the sink, pouring the pasta into the green strainer. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Harry pull a tub of leafy green _doom_ out. "Sometimes I think you love kale more than you love me," he grumbles.

 

Harry pouts, "That's not true and you know it! You've been around for me longer than the kale has. And the kale might be nutritious but _you_ are delicious." Harry flutters his eyelashes at Niall, who's trying his hardest to not laugh. He makes it about ten seconds before the cackling bursts out of his mouth and Harry's innocent look turns back to pouting.

 

"I _try_ to be romantic," Harry grumbles as he pulls an angry fistful of kale out.

 

///

 

_TheStylinsonEquation:_

 

_All of you people running around chanting by an engagement are so fucking lost. It's common knowledge that Harry and Louis are already married so why the fuck would they be posting about an engagement? My uncle's girlfriend works at Modest and she said that it's a sign about them coming out of the closet (i.e. the box) and entering the media eye (i.e. the ring) sometime soon. I think it will be within the next month since the media's already starting to move on from Briana and the baby. Thank god we'll be free from that whole narrative soon and Harry and Louis can finally be open!_

 

///

 

Niall isn't expecting this whole engagement thing to stick around so much but even three days later it's still rolling around in his brain. He flew back home for a little break to see his family and a few football games and not only did he spend the whole flight thinking about it but he finds himself in his London flat watching wedding shows in the middle of the night. Sure, most of them are for straight couples but the sentiment is still there.

 

Niall's never thought about it all that much before this. He likes to live in the moment, especially considering just how many crazy moments his life has consisted of for the last five years. Maybe that's why it's coming in now. They're all looking at domestic life from here on out, a chance to be truly normal--however they define that--so maybe that sort of thing is attainable for Harry and Niall too. He already sees it for Liam and Perrie and even bet Harry that they'd be engaged by the end of the year.

 

But it'll be easy for Liam and Perrie--it already is compared to what it will be like for Harry and Niall. Liam and Perrie just have to deal with their shared past with Zayn. That's like a little pebble compared to Harry and Niall's mountain. And sure, it's a mountain that he wants to climb but it's scary as hell from down here at the bottom. If they were normal people, if he'd been some bratty kid on a school trip who waltzed into the bakery Harry worked at and flirted over a muffin, this wouldn't be so hard. They'd probably be more concerned over whether it would be Horan-Styles or Styles-Horan.

 

Instead, they're two members of _One Direction_ who instead fell for each other one night in a hotel in bloody _Omaha_ years ago when Harry offered to jerk Niall off to make him "stop acting like such a twat." One handjob turned into several that turned into blowjobs and then finally full fledged fucking. It took a while for them to actually make it official but it's been that way ever since and Niall doesn't want it to change. But everything's been hidden from the start, carefully maneuvered around flashing lights and magazine articles, and Niall isn't sure what he'd do if it wasn't hidden anymore. It would be nice though. If there's one thing those Larry fans have right, it's the idea that it's hard to keep a relationship quiet. They're just missing the mark on everything else.

 

"You look like your brain is melting, you know," a heavily accented voice pulls him back out of his thoughts and into the present. He shakes his head and focuses on the blonde in front of him.

 

Jade Thirlwall eyes him over the rim of her glass, her wide, dark rimmed eyes as all-knowing as ever. "Sorry, just…lot on my mind, lately," he mumbles, messing with his hair.

 

"Alright, well, what's going on with you and Haley?" she chirps, putting her glass of beer down and pulling her long hair up in a messy bun. Jade's become something of an unexpected confidant after that threesome they had back in November; they're close enough that they've developed their code for when they're in public.

 

"Well, there was that picture she posted the other day about Paul and Zara. A bunch of people took that to mean that she was engaged to Luke which we both know isn't true. But…well, I guess it's starting to make _me_ think about tying the knot. Is that weird?"

 

"Psh! Why would it be weird?" Jade waves her hand, "You two have been together for-fucking-ever, you were bound to start thinking of it at some point."

 

Niall swallows, "Who--" shit. He pauses to try and figure out how to talk in code, "I mean, we're pretty non-traditional, you know? So which one of us do you think should propose? Who's 'the man' or whatever--besides obviously me," he mumbles into his glass of whiskey. Jade hums, drumming her long nails on the table. The Hereford is one of Niall's favorite London pubs, being hidden in the deeper part of the city and therefore less likely to be found by paparazzi. Sure, it's a bit scuzzy but he likes the charm.

 

"You know, I don't know. You both have your moments--I like to think that you even each other out more than anything else. I think either one of you could pop the question and it would go just as well. Are you really thinking about proposing?" Niall shrugs, shifting on the creaky leather booth.

 

"Dunno, maybe. I mean, I think I could. Just don't know if she'd say yes," something about Jade's thick accent makes his thickest brogue come out to the point where he's not sure if a passerby could even understand them, "And even if she did, it would be another thing to keep quiet."

 

Jade's eyes narrow, "Why do I feel like that's the bigger issue here? The fact that you two are still just doing your own thing?"

 

Niall sighs, hunching his shoulders, "Probably 'cause it is. 's also on my mind a lot these days."

 

"D'ya think it would be easier if you weren't so quiet?"

 

"I'm not sure. I like to think it would be but honestly I'm pretty bloody terrified that it'll be harder," he doesn't add that his darkest fear is that it would be so hard they'd break up from the stress of it all.

 

"You guys have been through so much, I think you'd manage," he hums, shaking his cup just enough to make the ice clink against the edges of the glass, "Hey, chin up. It'll work itself out." He nods, working up the best smile he can at Jade.

 

"How're things going with your bloke? Jed, right?" Jade grins, almost glowing, and bounces into a discussion of her own boyfriend. Niall does his best to focus on her words but the buzzing of emotions in the back of his head isn't quieted so easily.

 

///

 

_LarryIsJustMyFavoriteShip:_

 

_I dunno guys, I really think that we're writing off the wedding thing too quick. Sure, it might be a reference to them finally getting to come out--and that's obviously what I want it to be--but I think that it could also still be about some relationship marker. Maybe they renewed their vows? I mean, after everything with Briana and her child, I bet they just wanted to reaffirm that they love each other. Ugh, idk, it's hard because I know in my heart that neither of them have ever had any doubts about each other's love but maybe it could be more for their friends and family? I don't know. Everything's such a mess in my head. I just want them to be happy!_

 

///

 

"Christ, Harry," Niall croaks, tilting his head back onto the pillow. Harry hums, his lips stretched around Niall's cock. That's one thing that hasn't changed after nearly three years: Harry is unfairly good at head. It's enough to make Niall both ecstatic (because, well, it's _his_ dick getting sucked) and paranoid (that he isn't as good in returning the favor). He combs his fingers through Harry's thick hair, pushing it back out of his eyes so he can properly watch. "You're too fucking good at-- _this!"_ he squeaks when Harry goes all the way down.

 

"'ve had a lot of practice," Harry murmurs when he pulls back, mouthing at the head of Niall's dick. Niall's response gets lost in his orgasm; he whimpers as he spills into Harry's eager mouth.

 

"You're too fucking good to me," Niall finally gets his words out as Harry's leaving wet kisses over his hips.

 

"It's you, Ni, I don't think that's possible," sometimes sex is when Harry gets his most affectionate, his most gentle, and it always seems to hit Niall _right_ when his brain is melted.

 

And it's because his brain is melted that he blurts out, "If we came out, everyone would know how good you are to me. Not with the blowjobs but, you know, everything else." Harry's mouth pauses on his waist and the room goes still. Niall glares at the ceiling because it's hard to glare at his own brain.

 

"It would just…" Harry trails off, his voice fading like he's falling off a cliff.

 

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Never mind," if Harry wasn't still sprawled between his legs, Niall would pull the blankets up over his head like a kid. Instead he grabs Harry's pillow--some overly expensive animal-friendly down alternative shit--and clamps it over his face so tight it's hard to breathe and the world goes muffled. It takes about thirty seconds before Harry's tugging the pillow away from him.

 

"It's not that I don't _want_ to, you know? It'd be nice to not have to hide as much. But…people are going to _talk_ and with everything that's happening," Harry pauses, "I guess maybe it's a timing issue." Niall wants to snap at Harry, ask him whether his solo career is more important to him than Niall is, but he'd never do that. He knows that if push came to shove, Niall's the one Harry would pick. Maybe that makes him guilty, he's not sure. He nods instead, watching as Harry crawls up the bed to lie down next to him.

 

"Is the timing ever going to be good though?" Niall asks, permitting himself _that_ question.

 

Harry frowns, "Of course it will be. This isn't gonna be secret forever, Ni, I promise." Niall nods again, turning to look up at the ceiling once more. The L.A. sunset is casting a orange-pink glow over the room. "Hey, look, I'll see what some people say, alright? If that's what you want," Harry adds, reaching over to grab Niall's hand. Niall didn't know just how much his palms were sweating until Harry's soft, long fingers were curling around his.

 

"Don't do it for me, Haz," Niall rushes out, "It's just something I've been thinking about, that's all. I mean, we're normal people, at least for a while. Guess it's got me thinking of all that homebody stuff." Harry's green eyes narrow slightly for a reason Niall can't hope to pick out. "Look, it's whatever. Don't worry about it," Harry's expression doesn't change so Niall switches to a different tactic, "Time for me to return the favor!" He nudges Harry onto his back and climbs on top of him. The reserved look in Harry's eyes doesn't fade as fast as his crooked smile appears but Niall's already reaching for the lube with the firm decision that none of it matters anyway.

 

///

 

_AWelling-tonOfLove_

 

_Honestly, this is the prime time for the big reveal. The media's too busy talking about Liam and Zayn which could benefit them in two ways. Either it's the distraction needed to provide a buffer to the news--i.e. give the boys something to push the media back off to--or it's just something to heighten the public sympathy. Everyone's talking about how Liam snapped (which I think was way more about his relationship with Zayn than Perrie) and there's a lot of sympathy getting thrown around. Zayn wants to play the victim? Just wait until Louis and Harry come out with their story of victimization by Modest over the last five years. The sympathy is going to really swell over to our side, you know?_

 

///

 

There's less attention on them back at home. In L.A., they have to be so much more careful about going out, being seen in the same places, going back to the same places. London's crawling with less paparazzi and everyone here expects them to hang out. Sure, they can't go out holding hands but Niall breathes a little easier than he does in smog-filled L.A.

 

Harry's different over here too. He almost becomes more real, an actual human again rather than the media-friendly robot he becomes in front of cameras. If Niall had his way, they'd stay here forever but Harry has his plans and his dreams and they involve bouncing back and forth on places between the chilly dampness of the U.K. and the sweltering heat of California. "Too many bloody groceries," Niall grumbles as he opens the trunk of his car. He'd been on grocery duty today, balancing his own needs with Harry's seemingly miles long list of necessities (mostly green, mostly organic, mostly things Niall sticks his tongue out at).

 

He loads all the bags onto his arms because he will absolutely _not_ make a second trip unless forced to do it. He kicks the door shut and then wobbles up the front walkway towards their house. Harry's talking somewhere upstairs, his voice muffled through the walls on what Niall assumes is a business call. He totters to the kitchen, wincing as his arms scream at him, and dumps everything unceremoniously onto the counter, "Christ, for two blokes our size, you wouldn't think we'd need this much food."

 

The fridge already seems full; Niall ends up playing food Tetris to shove everything in. Harry better not whine about getting Thai or something else tomorrow, not when Niall just dropped 200 quid on food.

 

Once everything's in and he manages to get the fridge door to stay shut, he heads for their bedroom. He's halfway up the steps when Harry's voice gets louder and clearer. "Absolutely not. That's not even an option," Niall pauses, his hand gripping the railing tighter, "Because it’s not--no. Not a possibility." Niall's gotten used to Harry's business voice, that low, smooth, overly proper tone that's so foreign to Niall. But this is a new version, one laced through with fire and tightened by anger. There's a moment of silence in which Niall takes two steps up before Harry's voice _explodes._ "Because not everything is going to be a bloody story! This is _my_ life, not something to be used to garner a headline! My fucking life, _my_ fucking relationship--not some sort of promo spin. And that's _fucking_ final." Niall swallows down the swelling lump in his throat.

 

He turns and tries to tip toe back downstairs, give Harry some space to decompress before working things out, but like a kid sneaking away from his parents, the steps creak underneath him. "Ah shit," he hisses under his breath.

 

"Niall?" Harry pokes his head out from the bedroom, "What're you doing on the steps?"

 

"I just got home. I was going to see what you wanted for dinner but you're busy," he takes another step down.

 

"No, I'm not--well, not anymore," Harry jogs down the steps, pulling Niall along with him. Niall trips over his feet--fucking Harry with his string bean legs--but manages to catch up.

 

"Everything alright?" he asks as Harry drags him into the kitchen.

 

Harry tugs the fridge open, "Did you buy the whole fucking store, Ni?"

 

Niall huffs, "Someone had the entire goddamn produce section on his list!"

 

"Oh," Harry's cheeks darken, "Right, right. I was just thinking of having some friends over, Grimshaw and the like. I think Liam's back in town for a few days too. But maybe tomorrow night." His green eyes dim, more the color of fading moss now.

 

"Gonna say it again, everything alright?" Niall comes around the kitchen island to stand in front of Harry. Harry purses his lips; it doesn't take long for his stare to start getting uncomfortable. Niall shifts his weight, rubbing his arm as he waits for Harry to say _anything_.

 

Instead his boyfriend pulls him against his chest, crushing him in a hug too tight for his ribcage. But he leans into the embrace, pressing his face into Harry's shoulder and breathing in deep. The smell of overpriced perfume and a hint of that cheap body wash that Harry swears he doesn't use fills Niall's lungs and lets him breathe even through Harry's tight grip. "I love you, Niall," Harry murmurs into Niall's hair.

 

"Love you too, Haz," Niall whispers through a tight throat.

 

Everything's not alright.

 

///

 

_LovesWhatMakesLarryBeautiful_

 

_Guys, I can't even begin to say how excited I am for 2016 and our boys. They're free of Modest and all of that toxic bullshit and they finally get to be free. I don't think any of us are prepared for it--definitely not as much as they are. Just think, after all the hiding and secrecy they'll finally get to be open. Just imagine how that's going to feel for them! Finally being able to hold hands in public and smile and tell the whole world how much they love each other. Like I'm legit tearing up right now I can't even!_

 

///

 

Niall isn't exactly in the partying mood but here he is, sitting on the couch listening to Harry babble to Nick Grimshaw over a pint of some indie ale the radio DJ brought. Things aren't _right,_ they haven't been since he heard Harry arguing on the phone, but he doesn't know what to say and apparently neither does Harry. So they've been existing in an odd sort of uneasy balance for the past two days. It's not right, not when Niall's used to knowing all the inner workings of Harry's mind. Now he's shut out and it's making him nauseous.

 

"Niall!" he looks up from his drink. Liam's is on the other side of the room with a bottle in one hand and his phone in the other. Harry's started discussing yoga studios in L.A. so Niall pats Harry's knee like a goddamn grandfather and wanders off to Liam. "You looked rather bummed out over there," Liam chirps once Niall's close.

 

"Is it that obvious?" Liam grimaces, "Sorry. Shit's been a little weird lately." He leans against the wall next to Liam and sighs, "I dunno, stuff's changing but then it's not at the same time? We're both stuck in the way it used to be." he watches as Harry throws his head back and laughs. There's something robotic in the motion though that makes Niall's heart twist.

 

"What do you want to change?" Niall chews on the inside of his cheek, "O-oh, alright. Huh." Liam's cheeks turn just a bit pink. "You want to like go public or whatever, don't you?" Niall keeps chewing until he tastes blood on his tongue. Perrie's across the room with her girls. Niall wants to ask if it's so wrong to want to be open, to walk a red carpet together holding hands, but he doesn't say anything.

 

There's so much that he's just not saying lately. Eventually all these words are going to boil over and spill out of his mouth but he's not sure who's going to get burned. Liam waves his hand and Perrie walks over to them, a sunny smile already on her face. She's just _glowing_ as soon as she's next to Liam like a spotlight is just on the two of them. Niall tries to ignore the jealousy burning in his throat. He'd like to just idly wonder--maybe even ask--if he looks like that around Harry but with everything that's going on, he just feels sick.

 

"Are you alright, Niall? You look upset," Perrie asks.

 

"So I've heard," Niall snaps. Liam's eyes sharpen as Perrie flushes. Well, there's the first burn, "Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean it, Pez. I've just been stressed lately, that's all." He runs his hand through his hair. He notices Jade staring at him from across the room, her delicate forehead wrinkled.

 

"Oh," Perrie frowns, glancing at Liam. Harry laughs again, more like a cackle, alongside Nick and Niall wants to scream.

  
"Excuse me," he mumbles, pushing past both of them. He wants to say that nobody notices him darting out of the room but he can't help but feel eyes on the back of his neck, especially the heavy-lidded green ones he wants to avoid. The tears welling like traitors in his own eyes are bad enough.

 

The bedroom doesn't feel as good as he wanted it to, even when he opens the window up to let the brisk air in. He flops onto the bed hard enough to make it bounce and groans into the mattress. He's over all of this. He's not entirely sure why he's come to this point in his head but fuck if he's not sitting on the edge of something crazy. "Some fucking break," he grumbles into the blankets.

 

"You're a cheery ray of sunshine, aren't you?" even without looking up, that accent is unmistakable.

 

"Go away, Jade," he mumbles, reaching blindly for the pillows. He pulls one over his head, further muffling the rest of the world. Or at least until the pillow gets snatched off his head.

 

Jade's long nails scratch gentle circles at the base of his neck, "I don't think I will. You need to talk to someone, Niall. I'm here." He's not sure if it's the way her voice has softened or the feeling of her rubbing his neck but something cracks.

 

"I'm tired of everything right now," he croaks, squeezing his eyes shut, "Things were supposed to change on the hiatus but nothing's changing and maybe it's getting worse instead and I don't know what to fucking _do."_ The weight on the bed next to him shifts, spreading out more, and Jade's palm now flattens against the base of his neck.

 

"Do you have to know what to do?"

 

"Maybe, I don't know. But I can't keep doing this," he fists his hands in the blankets to stop himself from losing grip.

 

"What's 'this?'"

  
"I don't even _know._ Christ, that's the problem! I just know that I can't do it! I fucking need _more,"_ he smacks his hand against the bed and then winces. He's like a fucking toddler throwing a tantrum.

 

He hears Jade exhale; she scoots closer, "You should tell him that, you know."

 

"I can't. There's so much shit going on for him and--"

 

"It's not all about him, Niall. There's two of you in the relationship."

 

Niall snorts, "And what, I'm supposed to tell him that I'd rather stay at home from now on? Get married and be domestic or some shit? No." He dares to turn his head just enough to see Jade. She's scowling at him, her pointed face all scrunched up but in that pretty way. If he were a different guy, it would be the kind of look he'd want to kiss off her face. But that's the job of her boyfriend downstairs, not Niall.

 

"You know, you seem pretty set on being so miserable," Niall grumbles a fuck you and presses his face back into the bed, " _but_ let's look at it a different way. What's something you think you _could_ change?"

 

They're interrupted by the door cracking open, "Hey, everything alright?" Harry's voice makes Niall want to roll off the bed along with the blankets in some sort of concerned-Harry-stare-proof cocoon.

 

"Niall and I were just chatting," Jade says, the smile as clear in her voice as the worry in Harry's.

 

"When did you two become so close?" is that actually _jealousy_ in Harry's voice?

 

"There are some things that bring people together, Harry, and I think a threesome is one of those things," the weight lifts up off the bed. Jade pats Niall's ass, "If you think of something, Niall, let me know!" Her heels click on the floor as she leaves the room. Niall listens to them echo down to the party below, leaving nothing but the sound--or lack thereof--in the bedroom.

 

Different footsteps, heavier and slower, near the bed. The weight comes back bigger than before and this time, it presses right up against Niall's side. Harry's breath hits his neck and makes him shiver and huddle in, "Talk to me."

 

"Nothing to talk about really," Niall mumbles.

 

Harry's arm curves around his waist, "You're so full of shit, Niall Horan." Harry's lips drag across his cheek, "But I love you."

 

Niall swallows, murmurs "Love you too," and wishes that that was enough.  
 

///

 

_HeartFullofBullshit_

 

_Social media silence from Harry for the last few days. I know that that's nothing new but I'm almost worrying a bit? What if Modest or even Azoff got to him and is trying to make him hold back? He hasn't deleted the announcement picture but idk, I thought that we'd have more by now. Someone help comfort me because I'm starting to doubt!_

 

///

 

"You sure you want to do this?" Jade drawls as the short, slight stylist wraps a black towel around Niall's shoulders.

 

"Positive. You said to think of something I could change. This is something I can change," the way his hands are shaking contrasts with the firm tone he's shoving into his words but if Jade notices, she doesn't say anything. He likes that about her: she's not afraid to call him on his bullshit but she also knows when not to press.

 

"Have it your way," she smirks from the seat next to him, "Say goodbye to the blonde, Niall." He flicks her off as the woman behind him dips a brush into a small black bowl of dye. "I feel a bit honored, you know, that I'm the one getting to witness this historical moment," Jade teases, putting her chin in her hands.

 

"It's just bloody hair, Thirlwall."

 

"But it's your blonde! It's what people know you by!"

 

"Exactly," he retorts.

 

This is his way of breaking free from the past. Liam and Harry both have their solo things in the works. Zayn not only ditched the band but is now apparently ditching everything Niall thought was set in stone. Louis is a new dad. Everyone else is breaking free from One Direction and maybe it's stupid but this is Niall's way of breaking free. He's been bleaching his hair since the start since "every boy band needs a blonde." Well, now he's not in a boy band and quite frankly, he's fucking sick of constantly needing to bleach his hair.

 

So here he is, with the girl who's rapidly becoming one of his best friends, getting rid of the past. "You're putting the highlights in still, right?" Jade asks the stylist.

 

"Yes, I'll be adding some honey gold highlights towards the front," Niall swallows.

 

" _Excellent,"_ Jade drags the word out like a supervillain, her dark eyes glinting over at Niall as she grabs her tea, "Haley might not even recognize you when this is over, to be honest."

 

Niall snorts, "Well, I didn't tell her I was doing it so yes, there's a very good chance that she won't." Knowing Harry, he'll either be oblivious for at least an hour or two or notice it immediately and lose his mind. Niall likes to think it'll be the latter (because the former is almost insulting).

 

"I'm thinking I should switch it up with my hair too. It's been a while," Jade tilts her head to the side and leans back to look at her own reflection, "Jed said that I looked good with red hair so maybe I'll go back to that for a while."

 

"Look at us, getting our hair dyed to please people. What have we become?" Jade rolls her eyes, curling her hair around her finger.

 

"I just need a change too. It's been a while that I've had this color, I want to mix it up again."

 

"Mix it up just a _little?"_

 

Jade snorts, "You've been spending way too much time around Haley. You can do better than those half-assed puns." Niall grins as the stylist comes around and starts on the front of his head.

 

It takes longer than he thought it would but Jade sticks around the whole time, talking about whatever comes to mind while the stylist fixes him up and them dumps him under the heater. By the time he's done, it's almost dinner but what's more important is that he's no longer blonde. "It looks so weird!" Jade says, walking around Niall as the stylist takes the black drape off, "I'm so used to the blonde."

 

"Does it look good though?" he peers around her to stare at his own reflection. It is weird to be honest. He's spent so much time looking at himself blonde that the new dark chestnut hair seems foreign, like he's not even looking at himself. But there's something freeing in that, something _right._ He waits until the stylist has walked off to run his fingers through his brushed back bangs, watching as the softer gold highlights come out. Jade smacks his hand, "What?"

 

"She just spent all that time on your hair and you're already mussing it up," he sticks his tongue out at her and hops up out of the chair, "Anyway, let's grab dinner, yeah? You treat me as a gift for me spending my whole day with you."

 

Niall snorts, "And here I was, thinking that you were just there for moral support." Jade grins, the picture of innocence, and trots off towards the front desk.

 

They take a cab to a sushi restaurant in Soho; Niall can't stop staring at his dim reflection in the car window. He wants to text Harry a picture but that would ruin the possible surprise. He hasn't even _gotten_ a text from his boyfriend today which would worry him if he hadn't been so busy getting made over. Niall helps Jade out of the taxi and even holds the door to the restaurant open for her. He doesn't miss the way she blushes even when she scowls at him and mumbles something about "showing off."

 

They're halfway through the first round and on their second bottle of sake when a girl timidly walks up to their table, "U-um, Jade, could I have a picture? I love you and um, hi." The girl's bright red, nervously twiddling with her phone, and Jade nods with a mouth full of sushi.

 

She finishes chewing, "Of course! Come here!" Niall watches as the two take a few selfies. Jade keeps glancing at him but he doesn't say anything, not when he's getting to enjoy this quiet moment of being unrecognized. It's not insulting like he thought it would be, it's just--nice.

 

Of course, then the girl was a double take and wheezes, "OMG Niall! I didn't even recognize you and um, could I get a picture too?" her voice goes higher.  
  
"Definitely," he scoots out of his booth a little more and wraps his arm around the girl's skinny shoulders.  
 

"What do you think of Niall's new hair, hmm?" Jade asks.

 

The girl swallows, "It's really nice! It's just weird I guess--but in a good way!" Niall grins at the girl, who sways unevenly on her feet. "Thanks!" she darts back off to her family's table.

 

"I bet you another platter of nigiri that that picture is trending within ten minutes," Jade says.

 

"I'll bet twenty. It takes a while, you know."

 

Niall ends up buying the platter.

 

///

 

_LongLoveLarry_

 

_Ugh, how much longer are we going to have to deal with Briana and the baby? We all know that it's not Louis' and the longer they drag this out the more irritated I get. I can't imagine what it's like for Louis having to play along with this charade or for Harry with watching the love of his life pretend to be a dad with some random girl. Can we get something trending? To show our support or whatever? I think it could really mean a lot to them right now, even if they don't want to show it._

 

_I mean, honestly, if Niall getting his hair dyed brown can trend, then we can get anything done._

 

///

 

Harry's not home when the Uber pulls up to their place and Niall uses his absence as an excuse to fuck around a bit in their so called music room. Really it's home to all of his guitars and Harry's keyboard but he'll call it "theirs" anyway just to be diplomatic about it. He grabs his favorite acoustic guitar and sprawls out on the floor, playing whatever comes to his mind. He's halfway through a throaty, overdramatic cover of "The Call" when he hears the door downstairs open. "Ni? Is that you?" Harry calls, just barely audible over the music.

 

"Up here!" Niall strums a little quieter, drifting into playing Where Do Broken Hearts Go just for nostalgia's sake. It's odd to call something from two years ago "nostalgia" but this new hair has him feeling like One Direction was centuries ago. Harry, however, is very much in the present. His boyfriend lopes into the room and freezes about two long steps in. "Hello!" Niall chirps, still playing guitar.

 

"What did you--" Harry wheezes, "Your _hair?!"_

 

Niall's hand slows a bit on the strings, "I dyed it. I needed a change, you know?" Harry's turning puce and Niall's starting to wonder if the salon is open late. Maybe part of Harry's attraction was the blonde hair--after all, he definitely preferred blonde dates.

  
"You don't even _look_ like yourself," Harry chokes, his green eyes wide in his long face. Niall frowns, waiting for Harry to just spit it out. When Harry mouths soundlessly instead, Niall put his guitar down and stands up.

 

"You okay?" Harry blinks, "Y-you don't like it, do you?" Niall doesn't even get a chance to really feel worried. Harry lunges at him, knocking him back to the wall and stifling his squeak with his lips. Niall flails his arms like he's still going to fall but Harry's pressing in closer now, his hands on Niall's waist and his hips pressed perfectly against Niall's own.

 

"You've never looked hotter to me," Harry growls, biting down on Niall's lip. Niall whimpers, pulling himself together enough to fist his hands in the loose fabric of Harry's shirt. Harry's hands are in his hair, his short nails dragging across Niall's scalp with just enough pressure to make his toes curl.

 

"H-Harry," he gasps as Harry's mouth slides across his jaw. He's already hard and Harry grinding against his hips isn't exactly helping. He's trying to work up words-- _anything,_ honestly--when Harry picks him up and carries him back to the bedroom. Niall always forgets that Harry can actually do that, what with his noodle arms and legs. Harry throws him onto the bed so hard that Niall has to grab at the blankets to stop from bouncing off. Then Harry's on top of him again, propped up with one tattooed arm by Niall's head as his other hand works frantically on Niall's belt. Niall has at least enough composure to help Harry out with both of their jeans.

 

Niall can't remember the last time the sex was this…intense. It feels like it goes on forever in the best way, nothing more than tangled, sweaty limbs and hot mouths. Niall comes more times than he can count like he's stuck in an endless loop of pleasure carefully directed by Harry. When it ends, he's one with the mattress, can't feel his legs, and might have gone deaf in one ear. But he's fucking _happy_ and that's what matters. Harry's slumped on top of him, panting in time with Niall's shaking breaths. "I should dye my hair more often," Niall muses breathlessly.

 

"Absolutely not," Harry mumbles into his shoulder, "It's staying like this for a while at least."

  
"Thought you preferred blondes," Niall manages to lift his wobbly arm up and run his fingers through Harry's dark curls.

 

"I prefer you," Harry kisses the curve of his neck, "The blondes were a coincidence, really." Niall hums, closing his eyes. "I have to go back to L.A. tomorrow. Come with me," it's not a question or even a command. It's a quiet plea, softened (maybe unintentionally) by the way his voice is still crackling and breathy.

 

"For how long?"

 

"Dunno, a few days at least," Harry kisses his neck again, "Please come, Ni, for me." Niall nods, tilting his head towards Harry's.

 

///

 

_Theeagleandthedagger_

 

_So Harry's officially back in L.A. I'm thinking that it's time, everyone. Prepare yourselves for the announcement because I just know it's coming. And call me crazy, but I think Niall showing up at LAX the day afterwards means something too. I think he'll be there to show support at whatever event they do the big reveal at (honestly, idk if I want Liam there because if he brings Perrie than that's one more thing to distract from Louis and Harry as they're having their moment). Either way guys, everything that we've been waiting and working for for so long is finally about to come true!_

 

///

 

It's been a while since the four of them have had dinner together but here they are, nestled together in a booth at Nice Guy laughing and joking like nothing's changed. Sure, Harry's been oddly hyped all day but sometimes he gets hyper and Niall's grown used to recognizing it. He isn't oblivious to the long looks though or the way that, whenever he can, Harry's touching him.

 

"So you're saying that you're going to start fighting professionally now, Payno?" Louis asks over his beer.

 

"No!" Liam snaps, red faced, "I _told_ you, I don't like that I punched Zayn but--"

 

"You totally aren't sorry, Liam, come on."

 

"I, erm, _that's not the point!"_ Liam's so red Niall thinks his head might explode, "The _point_ is that, well, Pez is definitely looking at me differently."

 

"Probably fucking you differently too," Louis says, smirking wider now. Niall chokes on his whiskey but he's not sure if it's from Louis' quip or Harry's foot dragging along his leg under the table. Liam's jaw clenches in that so familiar glare.

 

"Alright, alright, continue Liam," Harry breaks up the tension that's crackling between Liam and Louis.

 

Liam clears his throat, " _Anyway,_ I just feel like she sees me differently now. It feels nice." Liam looks down at his half-cleared plate, his face now pink for a different reason.

 

"I'm happy for you, mate," Niall adds, "for both of you."

 

Liam smiles, "Thanks, Niall. It's nice to know that _some_ people take my relationships seriously."

  
"Oi! I take them plenty seriously!" Louis pouts, "I just also enjoy ribbing you a bit, that's all. Don't take it so goddamn personal, sheesh," Liam rolls his eyes.

 

Harry finishes his salad and nudges his plate back, putting his elbows up on the table, "So, what comes next for all of us?" There's this quiet moment where it almost sets in that what comes next isn't yet another tour.

 

"I'm working on some stuff still but I also might go with Pez and the girls on tour for a while. Is that crazy? Wanting to do that?" Liam asks.

 

"Nah, I don't think so. I mean, it's what we're used to, isn't it? And you'll be with her," Liam gets this glossy look in his eyes like the latter part is all he heard.

 

Louis leans back in his chair, stretching his arms up over his head, "I think I'll stay in L.A. for a while, be with Briana and Maggie, maybe do some managing if I can. The 5 Seconds boys are about to work on a new album and I'd kind of like to be a part of that."

 

"I think I'm getting studio time set up for a few months from now. Trying to figure all that out now but something will come this year," Harry says. All three sets of eyes turn on Niall.

 

"What about you, Niall? What will brown-haired Niall do?" Louis asks.

 

Niall blinks, aware of both Harry's searching glance and the pressure in his own head, "I'm not sure yet, honestly. It'll happen when it happens. Might do some writing or something, might just fuck off to golf courses and football games." He shrugs at the end like that answer was half as complete as the others' were. Harry's foot brushes his leg again under the table; Niall tries to hide his blush by taking another swig of whiskey.

 

They chat for another hour, ordering some dessert fruit thing that Harry wants when the waitress says that they need to order something else to stay there. By the time Louis checks his phone and says he should get home to Maggie, Niall's about to fall asleep anyway.

 

"You know," Liam starts as he pulls his jacket back on, "We're all gonna go our separate ways but we have to have dinners and stuff, you know? Just like this, us four lads."

 

" _Obviously,"_ Louis teases, "We're still friends, Payno." Liam huffs, flicking Louis off again before storming towards the door. Louis chuckles, turning back to Harry and Niall, "Someone needs to talk to Pez about fucking the seriousness out of him, honestly. He needs to lighten up."

 

"I'll be sure to pass that along," Niall muses, thinking about Perrie's reaction (or even better, Jade's). Louis gives them a little salute-wave before walking off as well. "Alright, who leaves first?" Niall asks Harry, who's tugging on the sleeves of his blazer.

 

"About that," Harry grabs his hand, dragging Niall off before his feet can really catch up. By the time Niall's able to process things, they're at the front door. Harry turns and puts on one of his most dazzling, heart-stopping grins, the kind he uses to make Niall do whatever he wants like clean the bathroom or eat kale, "Smile wide for me, Ni. This is it."

 

Niall blinks, dazed, "What's it?"

 

Harry tangles their fingers together and pulls Niall outside into a sea of paparazzi. There's a moment where time seems to stop and Niall's left to stare blankly at the men and few women scattered about. It's like everyone (including Niall) needs to process the hand holding. And the flashes start and the blood is rushing in Niall's ears. "Harry! Harry, a quote on this?"

 

"A quote?" Harry says blithely, still grinning as he pulls Niall forward, "I think it speaks for itself, to be honest." Niall feels his cheeks heating up but he thinks that he's also grinning. He's not really sure; he can't exactly feel his face and his feet may not even be touching the ground. A limo is waiting for them a few feet away, the driver standing by the open door. "Come on, love, in you go," Harry says just loud enough to be understood before nudging Niall into the limo. Niall stumbles in, barely registering the leather seat that he lands in. Harry gets in way more smoothly, like there _aren't_ a million lights going off and disorienting him. The limo door shuts, muting the flashing.

 

"D-did we just--" Niall stutters with a thick tongue.

 

"Yup."

 

Niall clears his throat, "I, uh, thought that it wasn't going to be a publicity stunt." Things are starting to come together inside his mess of a brain. He and Harry are out now.

 

"Not on their terms," Harry replies, scooting across the seat to sit pressed up against Niall's side, "That was our terms and now it's done. We're out." Niall blinks, staring at Harry with his deep, heavy lidded eyes that are so bright right now.

 

"You could've warned a man, you know," he murmurs, feeling the smile come onto his lips.

 

Harry chuckles, "Where's the fun in that, Ni? 'Sides, I didn't want you to get cold feet on me." Harry kisses the corner of Niall's mouth. "I hope you never get cold feet on me, Niall," he adds in a lower voice.

 

"Never, Harry," Niall chokes out, the last words before Harry's truly kissing him and nothing else even matters.

 

///

 

_AShowerofNarry_

 

_ _

**Author's Note:**

> Holy shit. I didn't expect this to be half as long as it ended up but I guess I had a lot of feelings. This is what #chatmagic does to me. Credit for Harry's aesthetic goes to Shunda, theeagleandthedagger goes to Rach, the darkest Larrie, Jade as a main character goes to Dee as a "sorry for not writing actual Lirrie," and the story as a whole goes to my fellow chat Narry fans.


End file.
